I have just returned home from my visit to Pottstown, PA where I was
invited to attend Mike's 30th reunion from the Hill School as well as
attend the ceremony dedicating a classroom to Mike on behalf of his
class of '86. It was a long beautiful drive from Columbus, Ohio. The
weather was fantastic and with the Waze app, I had no trouble finding
the school. Once I registered and found my dorm room, I had no trouble
at all locating one of Mike's good friends, Aleco (Aleco is hard to miss, in a good way). Aleco immediately
set about introducing me to everyone standing near him. This is a kind
gesture he did the entire weekend.
I was excited, honored and
nervous to be going. It turned out to be so much more than I could have
hoped for. Mike's friends treated me like one of the gang the whole
time. But yet, they treated me special..... getting me drinks, carrying
things for me, introducing me to people, watching out for me, making
sure I felt included, danced with me, drank with me, shared memories
with me. I was also finally, not treated with pity. There was no
mention about feeling sorry for me at all, that was such a relief.
Everyone
I met had a kind word to say about Mike. Everywhere I looked I could imagine Mike being there. Watching his two friends, Aleco and Sam,
both who have similar builds and height to Mike, walk around together, I could imagine Mike
walking with them.
For two days, I had the privilege of
experiencing a little bit of the school that affected Mike so positively
during his young life. Aleco even showed me some of Mike's "firsts"
there at the school.
For the ceremony on Saturday morning, I
went up to the classroom early with Aleco and Sam. I am glad that I did
because seeing the display of the keepsakes Mike had from the Hill
School that I brought with me to return to the school made me
immediately cry. I had hoped I could avoid crying but it wasn't that
easy. I know.... it's ok to cry..... I get it. But it also makes me
look sad and broken ... and I'm not. It also gives me a headache and
makes it hard for me to communicate. So I prefer to do my crying when I
am alone. I was able to cry mostly unnoticed until I was able to get a
better handle on the amount of tears coming down my face. One girl who
was with the school noticed my cheeks were wet and very discreetly
handed me tissues and lightly caressed my arm. It was such a kind and
gentle gesture that helped focus me back to real time. This stranger
was standing in front of me showing me kindness, this was real.
Remembering Mike and the reason for my tears was our past. The ceremony
included his friends sharing stories of Mike, which made me smile. As a
downside, a couple of people who had made a positive contribution to
Mike when he needed help the most were also there. That statement
might take a little more explaining..... Mike and I were together for 5
years..... when I first met him this couple would come to the nursing
home to visit with Mike once a week. After he moved in with me they
were only here twice in 2 years. Once for his birthday and once more
for a Christmas. They also wrote a booklet about Mike's life.... their
version. When they had sent me the file with the final writing, I was
just sick to my stomach. I sent out an emailed response telling them
how disgusted I was with what they were doing. I had not heard from
them at all until seeing them there that day. Again, I found myself in
the position I was always in with Mike..... keeping my mouth shut. I
stood there and listened to her talk about her book and her "agenda" and
her fund raising efforts for her "agenda" during a time when it was
supposed to be about Mike.... not her "agenda". I managed to stay civil
and I even managed to say a few words. I really wanted to represent
Mike as best I could. Afterall, these were people who I barely knew...
if at all, and yet they knew me as Mike's girl, and they thought highly
of Mike. It was important to me that I was an extension of him.... does
that make sense?
He has the most remarkable friends. To honor
their classmate this way, was very touching. I am not at all surprised
by how well they treated me while I was there. Not only was I hoping
to represent Mike well, but I was also trying to not get in the way of
the fun that these guys should be having with attending their 30th
reunion. I didn't want to seem so shy and backwards that I made them
feel awkward and I also didn't want to seem so eager to follow them
around like a kid sister. It turns out that I didn't have to be
anything but me and they were so incredibly nice to me. I just kept
thinking that I wanted Mike to know how incredible his friends were to
me.... he would have been so happy to know that. He knew how guarded I
was all the time with his family and some friends, he would have been so
proud of his friends.
The school grounds were beautiful. The
first place I went was to the chapel. Mike had told me that it was his
favorite place to hang out there. He said he used to just sit in there
in the quiet. So that's what I did. I sat in there in the quiet. It
was serene.
There were about a dozen of the guys who were there
for the class of '86, but it wasn't just Mike's classmates that knew
him. Faculty and people from other classes knew him too. I was privy
to overhearing people talk of him when they didn't know who I was and as
expected, it was all positive. It was such a wonderful experience for
me to be surrounded by his friends in a positive environment. I had too
much to drink.... both nights.... but it was good. I can never seem to
get out of my head enough to relax and have fun without always watching
my phone and hoping my girls are alright. With the amount of alcohol, I
let go of that. It also helped that I had no doubt in my mind at all
that Mike's friends would never let anything bad happen if they were
around. I am always alone and for this weekend, I wasn't. I had people
around me who cared about me. I even danced.... freestyle. Don't
laugh, but I've never done that. I ballroom dance, I don't do anything
else... except in my own livingroom. I even danced a slow dance with
his friend Drew and another kind of slow dance with Sam. Sam had
moves.... so it was a little more like that ballroom world I knew.
It
was a wonderful mixture of being surrounded and being alone. I
couldn't have asked for a better experience to relive Mike's youth. I
will forever be changed for the better for having been surrounded with
that much love for my Mike. To see the lasting effect that his life has
had on people and to know that generations to come will see that plaque
and know about Mike.... it has changed me.
I stopped at the cemetery on my way home. I just needed to end the weekend with him that way.
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