His poem, the precious words that I hold in my heart

My birthday was June 30th, last Thursday.  It was really strange to not have his love..... his smile..... his words.  I'm 48 years old, there is no good reason for me to miss him more on my birthday than any other day really.  But I did.  I was sad for myself for what I lost.  I lost my best friend.  My greatest love.  I just wanted him.  On the plus side, my girls are still doing great .... healthy and happy.  And Adam... he is loved and happy and healthy.  I gave myself that one day of feeling sorry for myself, that was my gift to myself I guess.
With being integrated more into his life before me, after his death, I am seeing him differently now.  It's a strange feeling really.  With ALS being a big part of our relationship, it was hard for both of us to think of anything but the future.  I think he liked it better that I only knew him with his diagnosis.  Afterall, the last "love of his life" couldn't hang with the diagnosis.  And him with his diagnosis was all I knew and I loved him.  I think it helped him trust my feelings more. 
I plan on going to a Harvard football game this season.  I still have his 91 Harvard jacket.... 91 was his number.  I mention that because when I was first made aware of the Trust set up through Harvard was the Michael Vollmer '90 Fund, I was confusing it with his football jersey number 91.  The " ' " should have been a clue for me.  :)
One thing I did for myself on my birthday was that I wrote on my bedroom walls.  I bought washable markers and I just started writing all these things that reminded me of him.  I wanted to be surrounded by his words and words that made me think of him. The last compliment he gave me is written so that it is the first thing I see when I wake up.  The poem that he wrote for me is written where I can see it from anywhere in the room.  The poem is so beautiful.  When he wrote it I was just sitting beside his bed studying.  He had been asleep and woke up to see me sitting beside him.  He had been asleep when I arrived and I didn't wake him.  I saw from the corner of my eye that he was moving his head around typing something.  I expected it to be instructions for what he needed.  He stopped and looked over at me.  When I met his eyes he mouthed the words.... read outloud.  This is what I read....

I wake from what seems a dream
Look toward you and see you beam
With no question in my mind
I love you so desperately
The way it will always be
This is how we'll spend our time
Quiet, reflective moments
Now it all makes perfect sense
As I take your hand in mine

I never asked him if he memorized it or wrote it for me.  I didn't ask because the only thing that mattered to me was that he wanted me to know that these words were how he felt about me.  "Now it all makes perfect sense"...... knowing more fully now what his life was like before he met me...... "now it all makes perfect sense".... I was and am still honored to be loved by him.